I’ve got a major Nerd problem. One income family, no money, and a serious collection addiction.
Have you ever wondered what would happen if you combined your collector’s obsession for all things video game, with the risky thrill of a lucky dip? The answer is #ARCADE BLOCK!
And I have just received the very first edition released. Wet-my-moon-knight-undies-excited! Seriously, it comes in a box printed to look like a NES console. That’s attention to nerdy detail. The only problem is… how do I sell this to Phenom-A-Mum? I’m a stay at home dad, we’re living on a single income and have cut back all unecessary expenses. But I want my Arcade Block!
I know. All I need to do is make use of everything in the box in my everyday parenting. A brilliant and wife-proof plan. So here we go; this is how Arcade Block makes me a better Dad!
Item 1: Legend of Zelda T-shirt
I LOVE this shirt. Huge Zelda fan. Am a little giddy.
Um, okay. Gotta sell it as a parenting tool. How about Link as a role model for Little E to be an adventurer with a sword who dies every five minutes before having to restart the level? No. Stupid.
Got it. It’s an 8-bit inspired kiddy booger catcher!
Item 2: Tomb Raider bust
Lara Croft will always be legendary in gaming circles but, boy, has she changed since the pyramid-breasted days of the Playstation 1. This realistic rendering seems to be covered in blood and mud, with a dangerous look in her eye. Will look cool on a collectibles shelf.
In parenting speak though, I’ll tell Phenom-A-Mum that it’s… an anatomically correct mannequin of Neolithic woman. If they had invented guns and brassieres before 10,000 BC.
Item 3: Pac-Man motion pen
I think this is my favourite item in the box! Tilt the pen and Pac-Man is chased by the ghosts, until you turn the pen upside down, and now he chases them. It’s like playing the arcade machine, without actually playing.
Parenting terminology: The pen is a handheld physics demonstration that teaches how gravity works. And it’s a pen. So Little E can write with it. Which is totally academic.
Item 4: Super Mario key chain
You can’t go wrong with Mario. Everyone loves this crazy plumber! Glad that I didn’t get one of the lame-o characters like the little mushroom man. Mind you, I bet red spot covered mushrooms would be a trip and a half, you know, if you ate him.
Would that be cannibalism because he has a face? Or just vegan? No worry though as they clearly don’t have the death penalty in Mushroom Land, or Bowser wouldn’t be eternally kidnapping the Princess.
Parenting terminology: Dummy holder! Just loop the dummy through the keychain, and pop it in a button hole.
Item 5: Tetris ice cube tray
This has been delivered at the perfect time. Sunny days are starting and we are going to be having some crazy tetris fun at the weekend barbecues.
I don’t even have to bother trying to lie, I mean repurpose, this. It’s a jigsaw puzzle. Inherently educational. And he’ll learn about the medical phenomena of the ice-cream headache! Why does it go away when you press your tongue on the roof of your mouth?
Item 6: Gears of War 3 cog (dog) tags
I’m too much of a retro gamer to even know what this is about. I’ll save time and just give it to the opportunity shop.
Wahey! That was easier than I thought. I’m pretty good at making up complete malarkey. Maybe I should have gone into politics.
Now when Phenom-A-Mum finds all these new collectibles around the house, I can whip out my prepared cover story and quickly find Little E and pretend to be educating him. He better not touch them though. They’re collectible!
[Photographs by Marianna Hawkins]
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